The craziness of staying small
I recently found myself banging on the walls of my comfort zone. You might know that feeling, desperately wanting to say something, to be heard. Instead you retreat to where you know its’s safe. Recoiling back into yourself where no-one can judge, criticise, or worse still, reject you. It’s so much easier to stay inside that safe place, your comfort zone, than face harsh criticism.
My spirit guides were prompting me to write a book.
“Say what!” my inner voice was saying.
“This must be a joke! I’m not a writer!” my self-talk confirmed. “That’s a task that belongs to someone better qualified. Pass it on!”
Yet, deep within my soul I knew I had something to say. If I wasn’t going to share my story, speak my truth, who else could?
After all, it was my story.
I’m the only one who can really tell it.
This set off the internal dialogue. You know the one: Nobody is interested; Who cares what I have to say; They will think it’s all made up.
I knew I needed to stop the self-sabotage. I needed to stop playing small.
Easier said than done.
Any excuse: too busy; house needs cleaning; kids need feeding (not sure how I got away with this one because they are both adults!)
I would try anything.
Delighted, to pick up any form of distraction. My favourite was eating. It wasn’t only my comfort zone that was being stretched with this ‘being out there’ my body thought it would join in with this expansion party.
These voices were unwilling to help me move forward. My subconscious feeding me with the nonsense it had repeatedly done for so many years:
You can’t do this;
Who do you think you are?
Then came the fears of judgement:
How will people perceive your book?
What will they think?
OK, girl, step away from the computer, this isn’t for you.
It became better only when I allowed the self-encouragement to win. The inner dialogue became more positive. I was allowing myself to hear things such as:
Your book will reach those who need it most;
Imagine all of those people it could help;
It doesn’t matter what people think, speak your truth;
You’ve got this!
OK, girl, back to the computer.
I had been this way, for as long as I remember, not wanting to stand out.
Don’t get me wrong I’m no shrinking violet, I can hold my own, as long as I was allowed to blend in.
I am fine.
The lengths I went to in order to keep myself small. Even for my wedding. A nice simple registry office gathering. Just the right amount of people brought together to witness and sign the relevant paperwork. No fuss. No employed photographer.No grand reception. Simple.
I told myself that is what I wanted. I was denying that I had dreamed of the beautiful, big, white wedding. It allowed me to avoid being the centre of attention. I told myself I didn’t deserve it.
Yet deep inside I knew I DID deserve it.
Even more lies I had been telling myself.
At this point, I had a choice. We always do.
Procrastinate, continue avoiding playing big or commit to the BIG step in our lives and venture off into the land of the unknown.
I chose to pull on my big girl pants along with my warrior outfit and set off.
It wasn’t a pretty sight (a little too much eat before I got here) but it was necessary to step up and out to where I needed to be to make it happen. To play big, larger than life, and show up as who I really am.
As the book grew, I developed. I grew. Just like a caterpillar emerging from its chrysalis, on the release of my book, I too emerged transformed. Shedding all of those limiting beliefs that had been holding me back.
Has it been worth it?
Great feedback, such as: Thank you for writing your book, it has helped me to move forward; and Thank you for standing on that stage, it gives me hope for the future; made every uncomfortable minute worth it. Just as my higher self predicted it has given comfort and help to those that need it.
The big question is what lies are stopping you from becoming who you were born to be?
What is stopping you from sharing your brilliance and living your dreams?
Dare to be YOUR best you. Step out into the light, OWN who you truly are. A magnificent powerful woman, with so many gifts to offer.
Don’t stay stuck somewhere you don’t belong. It’s time for you to move forward. Admit you need help with putting on your big girl pants. Get help.
Let me help.